EMDR.
You know why you do what you do. Knowing hasn't made it stop.
You've probably spent a lot of time thinking about your patterns. Maybe you've even been in therapy before. You understand, logically, where the hyper-independence came from. Where the need to control everything came from. Why you can't ask for help without feeling like a burden. Why you lean on drinking to escape.
And yet — here you still are. Knowing it, and still doing it.